I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
