I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
