I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
