you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I am mentally ready for anal.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
