Just fell off a train. Bad.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
