Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
