so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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