This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
