he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize