next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
