If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
