Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
