You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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