I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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