This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Randomize