We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
