I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
