Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
