He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
and she was petting her beer can
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
