yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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