hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Randomize
