Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
