Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
