Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
