I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
