We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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