So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
