So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
