counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize