I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
