They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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