i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
