I just cut my nipple shaving
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
