I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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