We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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