its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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