I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
