we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
