eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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