i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
