so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
