3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
