you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
