She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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