brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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