he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
