No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
