mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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