Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
