would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
