He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
