I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
