So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
