Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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