What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
