dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
