god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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