my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
