I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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