so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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