So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize