he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Randomize
