i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
