Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
