So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
