don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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