You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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