She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
