I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
