Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
