I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
