Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
