my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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