whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
