i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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