I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize